How to chop up a watermelon without mangling it too badly

What with it being summer and all, here’s a good skill to have when you buy a watermelon for a recipe/garden party and then stare at it, noticing that it seems a lot bigger now than when you put it in the cart at the grocery store.

YOU WILL NEED:

Big watermelon

Big watermelon

Big knife

Big knife

Big buncha paper towels

Big buncha paper towels. You’ll also want to have a pretty large bowl handy for serving/refrigerating.

 

 

 

 

WHAT TO DO:

Hack it into 2 halves.

Hack it into 2 halves.

Turn the halves over, flat-side-down, and start peeling away the pithy green/white parts.

Turn the halves over, flat-side-down, and start peeling away the pithy green/white parts.

It doesn't have to be perfect.

Don’t worry if your slices seem thick- there’s almost 2 inches of the inedible stuff before you get to the tasty red part.

Continue until it looks like something out of Super Mario.

Continue until the watermelon looks like something out of Super Mario, and is wearing a stylish green hat.

Turn it sideways, and slice away the rest of the greeny-whitey bits.

Turn it sideways, and slice away the rest of the greeny-whitey bits.

Almost there!

Almost there!

NOW WE GET TO DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN YAAAAAAAAY.

NOW WE GET TO DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN. YAAAAAAAAY.

This is the point where I just wanted to pick it up and eat it. It's also where things start to get a bit messy...

This is the point where I just wanted to pick it up and eat it. It’s also where things start to get a bit messy…

Chop it up into slices, about 1 to 2 inches thick.

Chop it up into slices, about 1 to 2 inches thick.

Chop the flat slices into little spears...

Chop the flat slices into little spears…

...and then cubes!

…and then cubes! This is where the paper towels come in handy. Be extra careful while cutting, since the board/counter can get slippery from all the juices.

This takes a bit of time, and seems endless. Pictured here is ONE FOURTH of the watermelon (and this is not a small cutting board)!

This takes a bit of time, and seems endless. Pictured here is ONE FOURTH of the watermelon (and this is not a small cutting board)!

Woohoo! Ready for summertime tastiness.

Woohoo! Ready for summertime tastiness.

-j

 

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