Tag Archives: blender

GAH.

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

GAAAAHH.

GGGGGAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SO…

Yeah… this dish was kind of hard. I found the recipe in a certain cookbook-which-shall-remain-unnamed-out-of-due-respect-for-the-chef, but as is our custom here on YPH, I have chosen to present it the way I saw and experienced it in my mind. I got lost somewhere around step 2, and pretty much had to improvise from that point on- so here’s my version. It looks nothing like the picture in the book. But hey, it’s pretty good. Buckle up…

Creamy Pasta with Corn and Bacon and Stuff in it, Suitable to Cook for the Pope or Somebody

(most ingredients optional)

YOU WILL NEED:

  • 1 pound of fettuccine pasta
  • 6 ears of corn
  • The Lost Ark of the Covenant
  • a couple of small peppers (I used 3 bell peppers- I think that’s what they were, anyway, I don’t know, man)
  • Garlands of fresh herbs and spices (1 handful each of fresh thyme, basil, and parsley, chopped)
  • The Nobel Peace Prize
  • Chicken stock OR beef stock OR dry white wine
  • 6 strips of bacon
  • Half and half
  • Hot sauce
  • The Crown Jewels of the British Empire
  • Olive oil
  • Parmesan cheese
  1. Boil a pot of water for the pasta.
  2. Then do that. Boil that pasta.
  3. While that’s happening, remove the leafy bits and those little bleeping string thingies from the corn. Cut the kernels of corn off the ears into a large bowl. This takes several millennia.
  4. Toss in the peppers with the corn.
  5. Take about a fourth of the corn mixture and set it aside. (Got all this so far?)
  6. Drizzle the olive oil in a skillet and cook the bacon in it.
  7. Once the bacon is crispy, pour in 1/2 a cup of the stock/stock/wine and most of the corn (the bigger amount, not the smaller one. Confused yet? Me too.)
  8. Forget to put int the salt and pepper.
  9. Check on the pasta. Trust me, it’s a good idea at this point- just drain it whenever it’s done…
  10. Toss the small amount of corn with 1/2 a cup of half and half into the blender and liquify it.
  11. Pour the creamy stuff you just made into the skillet with the bacon and all that other stuff.
  12. Stir the skillet mixture together, and also stir in a dash of the hot sauce.
  13. Simmer all of that for about 5 minutes. Remember the salt and pepper sometime around minute 4.
  14. Toss the herbs together with the pasta, and flop it into the skillet.
  15. Serve topped with Parmesan cheese. Feeds several hundred.

L probably told me something important that would make this whole thing a lot easier, and I probably totally missed it. I think I’ll double check next time, and ask her for some help.

-J

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Feaster

OH MY GOSH YOU GUYS

We made the tastiest Easter feast food ever. Fo’ realz.

Here’s how to make a whole bunch of tasty foods.

SO MUCH TASTY GOODNESS

SO MUCH TASTY GOODNESS

TASTY FOODS NUMBER ONE: MASHED GINGER CARROTS

This is a classic recipe my mom makes for Easter dinner every year (and sometimes just when we’re craving some carroty-gingery goodness).

YOU WILL NEED:

5 or 6 whole carrots

several shakes of ground ginger (or a real piece of ginger chopped up into a few tiny bits)

salt and pepper

1/2 a cup or so of chicken stock (I don’t really know what that stuff is, but it’s basically some kind of meaty juiciness that comes in boxes and makes things tasty.)

3 Tablespoons of butter

a blender (we actually have one now! Unlike during the dark times!)

WHAT TO DO:

Peel and chop up the carrots into 1-inch pieces, boil them in a pot until they’re well-cooked.

Puree in a blender with all of the other ingredients until it’s a little thinner than applesauce.

 

TASTY FOODS NUMBER TWO: SCALLOPED POTATOES

YOU WILL NEED:

2 pounds of potatoes (we used red ones), peeled and sliced into thick discs

a cup of milk

1 – 1/4 cups of chicken stock

bay leaves (if you want to be fancy)

salt + pepper

2 tablespoons of butter

minced garlic

grated white cheddar cheese (about 3/4 of a cup)

a glass baking dish, one of them 9 x 13 inch ones

a skillet

WHAT TO DO:

Put the butter and half a spoonful or so of the minced garlic in the skillet on medium heat, melt it down and stir it around a little.

Plop in about half of the potatoes in one layer in the skillet. Put down a bunch of salt and pepper, then put in the other half of the potatoes. More S&P on top.

Pour milk and chicken stock over all that business, put the cover on it and let it sit on low-ish heat for 3 minutes.

Rub a stick o’ butter around on the glass dish, and toss in all dem taters.

Sprinkle the cheddar on top, and cut up some little cubes of butter and put them on, too.

Bake it on up for 20-25 minutes at 425°.

 

TASTY FOODS NUMBER THREE: ROASTED ASPARAGUS

Asparagus, olive oil, salt, pepper, minced garlic. In a pan.

400° for ten minutes.

umm…

TADAAAAAA

 

TASTY FOODS NUMBER FOUR: GUNKY ROLLS

Probably known by several names, this is another family classic.

YOU WILL NEED:

a roll of those suction-y biscuits (regular, not croissants) that explode when you peel them open

1/2 a cup of water

some cinnamon

some sugar (1/4 cup?)

splash of vanilla

WHAT TO DO:

Open the explodey biscuits, cut each one in half. Pack them into a circular 8-inch pan (Teflon, if you’ve got one).

Mix together everything else in a bowl or measuring cup and pour over the biscuits.

Bake at 350° for 15-20 minutes.

OPTIONAL: If you’re feeling brave, flip the pan over onto a plate or platter after it comes out of the oven. The biscuits should (usually) slip right out of the pan, and it makes for a nice presentation.

 

TASTY FOODS NUMBER FIVE: PORK AND STUFF

YOU WILL NEED:

a crock pot

a pork roast

1 onion, peeled and chopped

2 cups of beef stock (again with the stock stuff).

a bunch of rosemary, chopped

5 cloves of garlic, minced

salt and pepper

WHAT TO DO

Put the onions in the bottom of the pot. Place the roast on top, then dump in everything else.

Pour water over the whole thing just until it covers the pork.

Cook it on low heat for 4 hours.

 

Since it’s Easter, and Easter is a time for family, I’m going to break blogging etiquette and gush about a bunch of stuff that’s been happening in my life lately, namely how fantastic my wife to be is. We’re sitting on the couch right now, and I faced the computer away from her at the moment so she doesn’t know I’m typing this 🙂

I’ve been having a bit of a tough time at work lately. It was my first few weeks of having my general work performance be reviewed, and I had a lot of criticism coming my way. A lot of times the only thing keeping me going was knowing that L would always be there for me when I got back.

But that’s the thing about living your entire life alongside someone else. Marriage, it seems, isn’t about making everything perfect (despite our shared love of stylish clothes and minimalist interior decorating). Maybe marriage is more about keeping each other happy, healthy, and alive.

And that’s what we’re learning to do for each other. In fact, she’s improving my mental well-being as I type, since she’s now trying on my giant thick glasses and making me laugh. Sometimes, something that simple is all it takes to get through rough patches together.

1 month to go until I marry this woman…

…too long a wait.

-J

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